so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
