sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
