dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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