So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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