You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
