I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
