respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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