i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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