Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
