I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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