I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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