"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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