i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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