Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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