Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
