I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
