that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
