You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
