Yo dont text me then not text me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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