I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
