just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
