I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
