My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
