when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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