I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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