My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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