party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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