Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
