watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
