Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
