dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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