my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
