how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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