Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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