I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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