I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
