whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
