You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize