hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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