Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
