You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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