My nipple is on Facebook.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Help. Why am I so naked?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
