The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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