he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
