i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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