Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
