i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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