I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
