she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
