so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize