I feel great
I just peed on a car
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
