i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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