wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
