it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
