when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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