hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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