you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
