Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have post one night stand depression
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