im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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