Can i not drive my cunt home
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just blew my weed a kiss
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
