I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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