we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
