How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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