I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
