is your mom at the bar?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
