if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
