I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
