I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
