just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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