this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
