She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
