you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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