That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
