I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
