i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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