I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
