You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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