Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
