Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think my tv is drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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