Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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