I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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