He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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