Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
